Intimate Partner Abuse
What is Intimate Partner Abuse?
It could be intimate partner abuse if...
In Ohio, intimate partner abuse can include many acts which are crimes
If you are experiencing intimate partner abuse
Some important notes about protection orders
Suggestions for friends and family of people experiencing intimate partner abuse
What is Intimate Partner Abuse?
Intimate Partner Abuse is a pattern of controlling behavior with a current or former dating partner or spouse. Abuse knows no boundaries and occurs regardless of age, income, culture, religion, education and race. It often begins with isolation, jealousy, threats or name-calling and may include emotional, sexual or verbal abuse. Physical violence may or may not be part of this pattern. The following lists illustrate some of the ways this may look but is far from a comprehensive list.
It could be intimate partner abuse if...
One person:
- Constantly blames their boyfriend of girlfriend for everything - including their own abusive behavior/temper.
- Makes mean and degrading comments about a partner's appearance, beliefs or accomplishments.
- Controls money and time.
- Gets really jealous.
- Loses their temper.
- Physically and/or sexually assaults another.
The other person:
- Gives up things that are important to them.
- Cancels plans with friends.
- Becomes isolated from family&/or friends.
- Worries about making their girlfriend or boyfriend angry.
- Shows sings of physical abuse like bruises or cuts.
- Feels embarrassed or ashamed about what's going on in their relationship.
-
Consistently makes excuses for their girlfriend's or boyfriend's behavior.
In Ohio, intimate partner abuse can include many acts which are crimes.
Intimate partner abuse can involve violent crimes, and it is unpredictable and dangerous. You are not to blame for an abuser's behavior. It is important to know that you are not responsible for the abuser's behavior and cannot control or change the behavior of an abuser.
Common reactions
Experiencing abuse can be a serious and frightening experience. The threat of repeated danger can be extremely upsetting. Here is a list of common feelings and reactions that victims of abuse have reported.
- Fearful
- Vulnerable
- Depressed
- Confused
- Isolated
- Hopeless
- Difficulty concentrating, sleeping, or remembering things
- Irritable
- Impatient
- On edge
-
Nervous
If you are experiencing intimate partner abuse:
- If you are in immediate danger, call 911. If it is a safe option, consider calling the police and making a report.
- Contact the OSU Police, if the event occurred while on campus (614-292-2121).
- If the event happened off campus, in Columbus, contact the Columbus City Attorney's Domestic Violence & Stalking Unit at 614 -645-6232. This office takes reports, investigates cases and assists with needs of victims/survivors during the court process for misdemeanor domestic violence and stalking cases.
- To get information about your options and support with taking needed steps, contact the Sexual Violence Education and Support area of the Student Wellness Center (614-292-4527) during business hours and ask for the Sexual Violence Education and Support (SVES) Coordinator.
- For anonymous assistance (24/7), call 614-267-7020 or CHOICES at 614-224-4662.
- Whether speaking with the SVES Coordinator or a SARNCO advocate, some options for discussion include: safety planning, speaking with police, contacting the city prosecutor's office, getting a protection order, contacting Student Conduct or exploring what ever concerns you may have.
A safety plan...
can include things such as changing your routine, arranging a place to stay, and talking through scenarios to address encountering the abusive person: what to do if he/she shows up at your home, work, school, etc. Tell the people around you how they can help you if such an event happens - even consider showing them a picture (if you have it) and give identifying information.
Other things you can do:
- Trust your instincts. Sometimes, you may want to ignore what's happening or to downplay and minimize the situation. The fact that you are uncomfortable or afraid is enough to take action to be safer.
- Take threats seriously - even though it may be hard to believe someone would actually hurt you. Danger is usually higher when the abuser talks about suicide or homicide. An attempt to leave or end the relationship can also increase the likelihood of a dangerous event. It's important to develop a safety plan prior to leaving the relationship, if possible.
- Start a log/journal/calendar of abusive behavior. Write down the time, date and place of each incident, if there were any witnesses, what exactly happened and how it made you feel.
- Keep evidence of abuse. Save emails, phone messages, letters, notes, etc. Photograph anything of yours that the abuser damages and any injuries that the abuser causes. If there are any witnesses, ask him/her to document what they saw.
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Contact a 24 hour helpline. See the resource section of the "Intimate Partner Abuse" word document at the top of this webpage for additional information.
Some important notes about Protection Orders
An order of protection (protection order) is a temporary order intended to help provide safety and protection to victims of certain crimes. If you have a protection order against someone and they show up or violate the protection order in any way, the police can arrest them and charge them with this violation. Do not warn the person that you are calling the police, do it as quickly and quietly as possible.
OSU police and Sexual Violence Education and Support staff from the Student Wellness Center can help you with getting a protection order.
There is no court fee for protection orders and individuals at the court house can explain the process and assist you with attaining one. However, it does help to have a lawyer advise you and represent you with Civil Protection Orders. Please see the resource section of this guide for more information.
Once a protection order is issued, the person can have no contact with you - even with your permission. Only a judge can change the terms and conditions of the order. A protection order is intended for persons who are in fear for their safety.
It is also good to try to be out of town or in an unknown location when the protection order is served. If possible, allow a couple of days away from locations that the person may know you frequent.
If you have questions about criminal or civil protection orders, please call the Columbus City Prosecutor's Domestic Violence & Stalking Unit (614-645-6232).
Suggestions for Friends and Family of People Experiencing Intimate Partner Abuse
Adapted from the Ohio Domestic Violence Network's "A Guide for family and Friends" brochure. For more information on the Ohio Domestic Violence Network call 1-800-9840 or go to www.odvn.org
As friends and family members, it can be difficult to know what to do when someone you care about is experiencing intimate partner abuse. Here's a list of some guidelines to assist you in addressing the abuse with the friend or family member and helping them seek the help that is available. Although we will use the term survivor (vs. victim) and abuser throughout this handout, please be aware that she/he may not see her/himself as a survivor (or victim) or view her/his partner as an abuser.
Show concern.
Be aware of the effects of intimate partner abuse.
Trust her or his knowledge. Survivors are the "experts" on their relationships and are typically aware of the patterns of violence that occur in the relationship and the abuser's behavior, so trust her/him to gauge when she/he is safest.
Give her or him positive feedback. Physically abusive relationships are also emotionally abusive, and all types of abuse lower the survivor's self esteem.
Recognize her or his efforts.
Do not criticize the abuser. Saying critical things about the abuser also implies criticism of the survivor as she/he may have chosen the abuser as her/his partner. Also, one of the ways that many abusers isolate their victims is by telling her/him that her/his friends and family don't like him/her and want to break up the relationship
Don't make choices for her or him.
Learn about community resources (See the resource section of the "Intimate Partner Abuse" word document at the top of this webpage for additional information.)
Be patient and know your limits. Develop personal boundaries for yourself so that you can be supportive, but not overwhelmed by a survivor's needs. Make sure to take time for yourself to engage in self-care and get support.
Encourage her or him to start a log or journal. This may help the survivor to realize the frequency, severity, and duration of the abuse she/he has experienced and can be a helpful source of information later. You may also want to keep a log.
Encourage the survivor to develop a safety plan. Safety plans may include the "what" and "how" a survivor will respond if violence is imminent.
Call the police. If you witness or hear a violent episode, DO NOT try to intervene physically as this may result in injuries to you or others. Call 911 immediately.